Thoughts on Paper

From now until...

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It’s always sad when a good friend lets you down. It’s also when that’s a consequence of letting yourself down and letting someone else down. 3 hard hits in 1 day. Feeling rubbish and thoughtful. Time to try and fix things

It’s always sad when a good friend lets you down. It’s also when that’s a consequence of letting yourself down and letting someone else down. 3 hard hits in 1 day. Feeling rubbish and thoughtful. Time to try and fix things

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Whenever you feel a negative emotion be alone in a room and just sit down with it and feel. Don’t judge it, criticize it, intellectualize it, explain it away. Allow yourself to feel the pain. It’s okay. Accompany it - breathe into it - and after a while, you’ll feel the anger or fear or sadness lose it’s urgency and power.

Bo Sanchez (via teanika)

I saw this and I really love it. Says everything I’m feeling.

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Because with the beat pulsing through my body and your hands on my waist.. There is nowhere else I’d rather be

Because with the beat pulsing through my body and your hands on my waist.. There is nowhere else I’d rather be

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And when I asked you how you’d been I meant I missed you more than I’ve ever missed anything before.
Lain S. Thomas (via hikariblackstar)

And that’s just how it is…

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Lost dreams and fairy wishes

I hate it. I hate that crushing feeling while you’re trying to sleep.. The tossing and the turning.. As everything feels like its closing in. My brain fighting falling asleep because no matter how tired I am, being awake is always better than the dreams that coincide with sleep.
Then you appear in my dreams and this whole cycle starts again. I am so happy in that dream and consequently wake up a wreck. Tears pouring down my face as my tired brain works out which is dream and which is reality. I need the day to arrive when I let you go, because you left a long time ago and this time, you’re not coming back.

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Darkness

I realised yesterday that the world no longer shines for me. Even when it is bright and the sun shines, it is dark. Hopefully this will start to change soon…

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Decisions….

So I have been thinking a lot about things today. It seems at the moment that a lot of people in my life are struggling with things - myself included. I don’t know whether this is because of the weather.. or just because right now the realisation of how much is going on in our lives is starting to crush down upon our optimism. Who knows.. 

Everyone always says ‘you only live once’.. and this in itself is a reason to not turn and focus in on the bad things. Because day by day, these things that started off so small begin to escalate, increase.. until eventually you are spiraling down. Then once you hit the bottom, with what always feels like an incredible crash, you sit. You break. But why? .. Why as humans do we let ourselves become this broken mess on the floor? Perhaps sometimes it is a lack of control or lack of self belief. In which case.. take control and start believing! These things are in your hands. It is your life.. and your decisions are the things that determine the way in which the pages of your book are written. So really… this is just another chapter. So work your way out of it.. create that ladder and step by little step start to work your way out. Because actually.. the fact that this is our life means that this is what counts. Right here, right now. So stop. Take a moment.. stop rushing around in your head, or running around at 600mph. Just stop. Think about where you are going, the people who are in your life.. where your life is actually heading right now. Look at the decisions you are making and then think.. is this what is best? The fact that you only live once is not a life pass to spend your whole life wasting away and doing nothing. Its not a reason to prance around and do whatever you want… destroy other peoples lives… destroy your own. Because you could make something beautiful of your life. Be the person that you were intended to be! 

This is what I have been thinking. So I am turning my life around. It has been an ongoing process… a journey. A journey which I am proud of, because though I couldn’t see it at the time, I now see my progress and I’ve come so far. I think that no matter what your past is, if you can look past it and use the negative to make you a stronger person.. then it did not occur for no reason. This is something that I have quite happily taken with me. So I am starting to have a more positive mental attitude.. try not to let all the little irritating things ruin my day, but instead, look for the little things that will make that day so much more special. These are the things that you could blink and miss.. but could make a huge different in the long run.

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For what you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing: it also depends on what sort of person you are.
C.S.Lewis

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Because too many times I’ve stood back and not fully poured everything into my life :) .. I am done wasting time with those who don’t deserve it.. Because that only ever means I’m spending less time on people who do

Because too many times I’ve stood back and not fully poured everything into my life :) .. I am done wasting time with those who don’t deserve it.. Because that only ever means I’m spending less time on people who do

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The start..

So this is what I call the beginning of the end of my new beginning. My turning point and my life change. Some things have happened in my life that I’m less than proud of.. And now is my time to be the person I was always meant to be. I would say my new me.. But more a better version of my old me before I got lost :) so this is the start of my journey :)